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Then came the Hogwarts letter, and a world of intriguing new possibilities to exploit.

“That’s fanfiction bait if I’ve ever seen it,” writes Hillary Busis at Entertainment Weekly.

(But he also sliced the head off Voldemort’s massive snake, Nagini, so he aged pretty well.) Skeeter also maliciously implies that Neville and Hannah both have a drinking problem, though as a teacher of Herbology, we like to think Neville would participate in more organic recreational activities. (It would definitely make him popular with the kids.

And his last name is ) Rowling/Skeeter didn’t actually mention Harry’s schoolyard nemesis in the short story, so we don’t have anything to go on.

Skeeter, who doesn’t usually compliment anyone, notes that Professor Longbottom is quite popular among his students, which only makes us wonder what Neville’s classes could be like.

Remember: This is the guy who literally couldn’t keep ahold of his toad while in school.

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