Full "recovery" is nearly impossible for children because of the dynamic nature of family life.
While you and your ex-spouse's lives may go on separately with relatively little thought, your children will think about their loss almost every day.
Parents, who have given the children life, are perceived by the children as very competent people with supernatural abilities to meet the needs of the children.
No problem should be too great for their parents to handle.
As Earll explains: "Children never get over divorce. While we often think of children as resilient, going through such trauma is a lot to ask of our kids.
In light of the fact that most marriages heading for divorce can be salvaged and turned into great marriages, parents should take a long pause before choosing divorce.
Any other relationship configuration presents a conflict or betrayal of their basic understanding of life.
In divorce, children [tend to] resent both the custodial and absent parent." While virtually every child suffers the lost relationship and lost security described above, for many, the emotional scars have additional, more visible consequences.
Life itself will remind them of the loss at even the happiest moments. All special events, such as holidays, plays, sports, graduations, marriages, births of children, etc., bring up the loss created by divorce as well as the family relationship conflicts that result from the 'extended family' celebrating any event." What parents see as a quick way out often results in emotional damage that the children will carry for 30 years or more. It is the violent ripping apart of their parents, a loss of stability and often a complete shock.
Rather, it rises in adulthood as serious romantic relationships move center stage . Alan Booth and David Johnson, "Premarital Cohabitation and Marital Success," Journal of Family Issues 9 (1988): 255272; Paul Amato and Alan Booth, "The Consequences of Divorce for Attitudes toward Divorce and Gender Roles," Journal of Family Issues 12 (1991): 306-323.) Behind each of these statistics is a life — a child, now an adult, still coping with the emotions brought on by the divorce. but what they remembered about the post-divorce years was their sense that they had indeed been abandoned by both parents, that their nightmare [of abandonment] had come true." Parents tend to want to have their own needs met after a divorce – to find happiness again with someone new.
As Wallerstein put it, "The kids [in my study] had a hard time remembering the pre-divorce family . But not only do the old problems often resurface for the adults, new problems are added for the children.
More than 30 years of research continues to reveal the negative effects of divorce on children.
Most of these measurable effects are calculated in increased risks.