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After 26 years as a Black queer man and two separate 2.5-year relationships with white men, 2015 is the year I have decided to stop dating white men indefinitely.While my personal decision not to date white men is the direct result of dating white men, the decision is rooted less in my experience with the individuals I dated and more in my experience with society.

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That question is fair because many of us face racism from the white gay community, and as someone who grew up in primarily white spaces, I am no exception.And finally, when I’m exhausted from the psychological toll of racial microaggressions, daily Black Death, and everyday life, do I have to educate him on the ways in which he is further dehumanizing me or invalidating my opinions? This also applies to non-Black people of color who aspire to whiteness or uphold white supremacist ideals.So whether he is or isn’t into Black guys, I don’t think he’s for me, and I’m finally ok with admitting that.That being said, I personally have sometimes felt a justified, but unhealthy sense of paranoia in dating white men.If I am dating a white man, is he fetishizing or exoticizing me for my skin, lips, hair or penis?

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